Sign Me "Baffled"

November 17, 1996

Noon

Michael Grosso has got me wondering. Is Apocalypse nothing more than a long-standing myth that gives expression to the human need (and my own) for the reinvention and, ultimately, transcendence of the world? Were all those experiences I've had — many of them powerfully convincing — no more than creative "phantasies"?

Grosso is treading all over my spiritual toes here. He's stepping lightly — "One aim of this book is to honor that need [to believe, to remake the world]" — but he's stepping. Still, his historical perspective alone makes it well worth the discomfort. Where else can you get the whole, tightly integrated, story of Apocalyptic thinking and doing through the ages, from Daniel to David Koresh, with the Greeks, the Italian Renaissance, and the Enlightenment thrown in? (Ever hear of Marsilio Ficino? Wonderful fellow, and a major historical influence.)

I'm not the only one asking "Where's the Beast?" of course. I see that in the current NewHeavenNewEarth News Brief (issue 35, 11/8/96), under the headline "Many of Us Are Baffled," Bill Dewey of Rochester, New York writes,

In NHNE News Brief 34, Joya Pope says in her letter, 'I must admit I am baffled. The earth has been rather quiet.' Joya, many of us are baffled, as our favorite psychics and intuitive sources appear to be getting worse at prophecy, instead of better...

Well sign me "Baffled," too, Bill, because, having marshalled a heap of evidence, objective and otherwise, in favor of the reality of Apocalypse, it appears that I myself am not convinced by it. Not at this moment, on this day. What I'll be looking for now is signs, baby, signs.

The question occurs, What sort of place to live would our little corner of central California be, if the present calm before the storm turned out to be a just plain calm? Feels pretty good, actually. Challenging, certainly, but deeply satisfying.

1:35 pm

I thought about it some more during lunch. It came down to this: did I believe the apparently prophetic experience I had in '83 was real, or not? I believed it: there's no way you get grabbed like that and don't believe it. Well then, did I think the Aliens were bullshitting me? Possible; but the visceral (and spiritual) core of that experience was that I recreated in myself the Apocalypse that was shown to me. I bought into it at the most primal level imaginable (for better or worse), and then spoke it, let it pour from me, which made it real.

Besides, I just don't see how we get through the millennium without a ... Millennium. I mean, self-fulfilling prophecy and mass hysteria ought to get us 80 percent of the way there (with a little help from the Tube and the Net); and the aliens, the environment, and the economy will kick right in with the rest. I think Mr. Grosso is going to be surprised when the Millennium he has so carefully boxed up and put on his library shelf, goes BOING! But I don't think he'll be disappointed.

Update: May 2005

Still waiting. Still believing.

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